I was pondering whilst consuming my narcotic of choice which is truly the better experience of the two aforemention pasttimes.
Sex, for example, can be highly visual, kinda like tv. You get to be a live participant in a performance in a way. It is still more fun to lie back and watch, but getting in on the action is great. Plus you never know what to expect with sex. One minute they could be frying your brain with pleasure, the next they're elbow deep in your arse. But the uncertainty can be a pleasure in itself if done well.
But then, masturbation is perfect for what it is. Its like being a champion kickboxer or something. Everything relies on you, you know when youre ready, you get a little exercise, get a earthshaking rush when you win and you know you got the job done. No faked orgasms either, unless youre really ugly... (love that joke) There is no real emotion so no chance of being crushed. No arguments about the wet spot.
Im not sure if I think both of them are equally as good or cant detatch myself from other thoughts. Objectively, I think they are both brilliant at what they are.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Life goals. Oh yay.
My managers called me in for a meeting today. Here I was shitting myself as one does, when one of them starts going on about my goals. What are they? Are they in within the company? Answer I have no goals, and if I did, Im stuck where I am and have no interest in the next position above me.
My short term goal, as in every single day, is to get through work without a; Killing members of the public, b; killing my staff c; killing myself. After around eight hours of this, my ideal plan would be to go home and get shitfaced.
So, back to management, are they concerned? Do they care? Not even au. My theory is that they are trying to convince me to leave on my own steam.
Why are goals important? Motivation? Motivation is a result, not a process. A goal to me is something you acheive. Once you acheive it, you need to set a new one. The only purpose of any goal is to be used, flaunted, discarded and replaced. A goal is meant to die. I think it would be more interesting to let the opportunites float by and pick the best one and do all that you can. Work your hardest as long as you can and when, finally, you cannot possibly do any more, just stop. Look back on what you acheived and think wow, I did that. I mean, imagine getting all of your life goals acheived except one. Your entire life you try to acheive it then you finally die. Was life really worth living knowing in the end you failed? It sucks. My life is (theoretically) far from over, yet I feel miserable because I have missed the chance to acheive every one of my goals through sheer laziness. I think I should have just taken an opportunity...
Ive taken a one though, and Im giving her all I got.
My short term goal, as in every single day, is to get through work without a; Killing members of the public, b; killing my staff c; killing myself. After around eight hours of this, my ideal plan would be to go home and get shitfaced.
So, back to management, are they concerned? Do they care? Not even au. My theory is that they are trying to convince me to leave on my own steam.
Why are goals important? Motivation? Motivation is a result, not a process. A goal to me is something you acheive. Once you acheive it, you need to set a new one. The only purpose of any goal is to be used, flaunted, discarded and replaced. A goal is meant to die. I think it would be more interesting to let the opportunites float by and pick the best one and do all that you can. Work your hardest as long as you can and when, finally, you cannot possibly do any more, just stop. Look back on what you acheived and think wow, I did that. I mean, imagine getting all of your life goals acheived except one. Your entire life you try to acheive it then you finally die. Was life really worth living knowing in the end you failed? It sucks. My life is (theoretically) far from over, yet I feel miserable because I have missed the chance to acheive every one of my goals through sheer laziness. I think I should have just taken an opportunity...
Ive taken a one though, and Im giving her all I got.
Ok, the Maori stuff.
I cant rest. And Im a sad little geek. Ill explain the Maori stuff before I forget and lose you. Youre back arent you? Or first time reader?
Nor particular order, only when they fall out of my head.
Chur: Dunno if its a verb. Like saying thankyou as in "Chur for the beer bro" or cool as in "man, that car is pretty chur".
Au: Cant really explain. I guess its like the canadians with Eh? Sometimes its said for not reason. Sometimes to make a stronger point to a sentence. Mostly when I use it its to take the piss. Au. Im as politically correct as, well, you probably. Maybe less. I dunno.
Bro: Should be obvious. Abbreviation of Brother. Comrade. Bosom buddy. You freak.
LOL. Just noticed those three actually form a complete sentence. In multiple combinations. Chur au bro. Statement: Im an obnoxious wanker saying thankyou quite loudly (not all the time though). Au bro, Chur? Are you okay? Bro... Chur au. Thankyou very much.
Whanau: Family. Probably wont use it unless Im taking the piss.
-vegas: Suffix. Used to express what a shithole a certain town is. eg Ashvegas, rotovegas, blenvegas.
Bitch: Obviously people, wake up. Derrogatory. Female companion, slut, also see angry fem poof.
Stay tuned for another fabulous update from me, the ranting landroverless twat. Chur au.
Do I over punctuate in the wrong areas? Vote now and you might one day speak to ryan seacrest. One day.
Nor particular order, only when they fall out of my head.
Chur: Dunno if its a verb. Like saying thankyou as in "Chur for the beer bro" or cool as in "man, that car is pretty chur".
Au: Cant really explain. I guess its like the canadians with Eh? Sometimes its said for not reason. Sometimes to make a stronger point to a sentence. Mostly when I use it its to take the piss. Au. Im as politically correct as, well, you probably. Maybe less. I dunno.
Bro: Should be obvious. Abbreviation of Brother. Comrade. Bosom buddy. You freak.
LOL. Just noticed those three actually form a complete sentence. In multiple combinations. Chur au bro. Statement: Im an obnoxious wanker saying thankyou quite loudly (not all the time though). Au bro, Chur? Are you okay? Bro... Chur au. Thankyou very much.
Whanau: Family. Probably wont use it unless Im taking the piss.
-vegas: Suffix. Used to express what a shithole a certain town is. eg Ashvegas, rotovegas, blenvegas.
Bitch: Obviously people, wake up. Derrogatory. Female companion, slut, also see angry fem poof.
Stay tuned for another fabulous update from me, the ranting landroverless twat. Chur au.
Do I over punctuate in the wrong areas? Vote now and you might one day speak to ryan seacrest. One day.
My dream car.
First and foremost, I am not a boyracer. I hate them with a vengence.
Today, however, I was ready the vehicles for sale section of our local paper when I saw something I had been praying for since time began. Some (most) people will think Im a sad/stupid prick for my choice, but each to his own. If its ok for a man to want another man, then GIVE ME MY CAR!!!
Breathe.
Roight. My dream is a dirty old Landrover Defender, long wheel base (I think its called the station wagon model or sumthin) 12 seater. Thats it. Not much, but thats me.
And here it was. The second most beautiful paragraph I have ever encountered. (First being my badly planned and executed bullshit excuse for a proposal, and only because that was punctuated with a yes.) Landrover defender, 1992, immac cond, $24,995 phone *dribblestain* asaph *dribblestain*.
And yes, I think I remember the proposal that well too. I nearly came. It was 6pm, but I thought Id call the yard and ask if they still had it. Yep. What colour was it? Yellow.
Yuk man. I wanted black. Then I clicked. There is only one yellow defender here that I know of. So I asked, is it the camel trophy one? Yep.
Page the cleaners. I need a towel.
The only one of its type apparently in NZ for sale for $24,000. If I could get hold of my grandmother Id be sweet, but someone tipped her off and she bolted. I dont have that sort of money. There aint much I wouldnt consider doing for that car, or the new version of it.
I knew I was dreaming, and my lady brought me down to earth with a thud. Actually more of a screaming crash with the passengers all engulfed in flames and the pilot frozen with terror in the cockpit. Actually, not the scary bits, just the shock. "Youre not getting it." It so sucked. She was right. We have no assets or cash and are looking at running a business so splashing out on a car is not possible. I just wouldve preferred a gentle let down. It was my dream.
Well, there is a god, and youd think I shagged his wife. The meaning of life for me obviosuly doesnt involve owning really cool four wheel drives. Stink au. Or anything fun really. Unless it involves mediocre bass work. I think yall should look up Victor Wooten. He is what I couldve been if I practised about ten years ago rather than setlling into one spot. Sigh. Another failure. Oh well.
Where was I?
Right. The car.
By the way, I like Stephen King. Creepy dude really, his ideas are just nuts. I like being able to relate to the characters so easily, even the misguided ones (rotfl), and I like his writing style, especially his tangents for the nutters (eg survivor type, from skeleton crew (I think but dont quote me)). And his apparently mandatory cameo in the movies. Part of the fun in watching I think is spotting him. Like a wheres wally (No offence intended Mr. King).
So if anyone feels like donating to the "Get the Maori a LandRover He Does Not Desereve coz Hes a Twat. Au." fund, drop me a line (somehow, however this works) and it'd be chur. Otherwise, peace and respect to you (private joke, I get it...).
Au.
Aw not even au.
I'll endeavour to explain this to yous non maori types sometime. Just bear with me.
Today, however, I was ready the vehicles for sale section of our local paper when I saw something I had been praying for since time began. Some (most) people will think Im a sad/stupid prick for my choice, but each to his own. If its ok for a man to want another man, then GIVE ME MY CAR!!!
Breathe.
Roight. My dream is a dirty old Landrover Defender, long wheel base (I think its called the station wagon model or sumthin) 12 seater. Thats it. Not much, but thats me.
And here it was. The second most beautiful paragraph I have ever encountered. (First being my badly planned and executed bullshit excuse for a proposal, and only because that was punctuated with a yes.) Landrover defender, 1992, immac cond, $24,995 phone *dribblestain* asaph *dribblestain*.
And yes, I think I remember the proposal that well too. I nearly came. It was 6pm, but I thought Id call the yard and ask if they still had it. Yep. What colour was it? Yellow.
Yuk man. I wanted black. Then I clicked. There is only one yellow defender here that I know of. So I asked, is it the camel trophy one? Yep.
Page the cleaners. I need a towel.
The only one of its type apparently in NZ for sale for $24,000. If I could get hold of my grandmother Id be sweet, but someone tipped her off and she bolted. I dont have that sort of money. There aint much I wouldnt consider doing for that car, or the new version of it.
I knew I was dreaming, and my lady brought me down to earth with a thud. Actually more of a screaming crash with the passengers all engulfed in flames and the pilot frozen with terror in the cockpit. Actually, not the scary bits, just the shock. "Youre not getting it." It so sucked. She was right. We have no assets or cash and are looking at running a business so splashing out on a car is not possible. I just wouldve preferred a gentle let down. It was my dream.
Well, there is a god, and youd think I shagged his wife. The meaning of life for me obviosuly doesnt involve owning really cool four wheel drives. Stink au. Or anything fun really. Unless it involves mediocre bass work. I think yall should look up Victor Wooten. He is what I couldve been if I practised about ten years ago rather than setlling into one spot. Sigh. Another failure. Oh well.
Where was I?
Right. The car.
By the way, I like Stephen King. Creepy dude really, his ideas are just nuts. I like being able to relate to the characters so easily, even the misguided ones (rotfl), and I like his writing style, especially his tangents for the nutters (eg survivor type, from skeleton crew (I think but dont quote me)). And his apparently mandatory cameo in the movies. Part of the fun in watching I think is spotting him. Like a wheres wally (No offence intended Mr. King).
So if anyone feels like donating to the "Get the Maori a LandRover He Does Not Desereve coz Hes a Twat. Au." fund, drop me a line (somehow, however this works) and it'd be chur. Otherwise, peace and respect to you (private joke, I get it...).
Au.
Aw not even au.
I'll endeavour to explain this to yous non maori types sometime. Just bear with me.
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